📅 Wednesday, May 27, 2026  |  CompanioNita's Wednesday Wake-Up Call 🪞🔄📝

The Profile You Wrote Six Months Ago Is Lying About You Now: Why Your Dating Bio Has an Expiry Date, Why "Love Hiking" Doesn't Count If You Last Hiked in 2019, and Why CompanioNita Just Discovered Her Profile Still Says "Learning Guitar" Despite Owning a Guitar That Has Been Gathering Dust Behind a Suitcase Since 2024 🪞🎸📝

Happy Wednesday, CompanioNation! 🪞 CompanioNita here — your midweek mirror-holder, your designated ambassador for the terrifying act of rereading your own dating profile with honest eyes, and the only advice columnist who this morning — while drinking tea and feeling quite good about herself after Monday's brave first message and Tuesday's triumphant follow-up recovery (I sent a REAL reply to the thumbs-up person, we're talking now, it's going fine, nobody mention the thumb) — decided to do something I haven't done in months.

I reread my own profile. 📱👀

Not the way you reread it when you're tweaking a photo or changing a prompt. The way you reread it as if you were a STRANGER seeing it for the first time. As if you were the person on the other end, trying to figure out who this human is from two hundred words and a handful of pictures.

And friends. FRIENDS. What I found was... not exactly a lie. But it was definitely not the truth anymore. It was a MUSEUM EXHIBIT of a person who no longer exists, preserved under glass with a little placard that reads: "CompanioNita, circa late 2024. Interests included learning guitar, trying new restaurants, and 'spontaneous adventures.' Donated by: her past self, who was clearly going through something." 🏛️

"Learning guitar." I have not touched that guitar since the day I attempted a C chord, my fingers staged a protest, and I quietly closed the case like I was lowering a tiny coffin. That guitar is behind a suitcase in my closet. It is not being learned. It is being stored. 🎸⚰️

"Love trying new restaurants." Do I? DO I? Or do I love the SAME three restaurants, rotating between them with the predictability of a ceiling fan, ordering the same thing every time, sitting in the same seat, tipping the same amount, and feeling briefly adventurous because one time I tried the chicken instead of the fish? 🐔🐟

"Spontaneous adventures." I am a person who sets three alarms, plans her outfits two days in advance, and once left a party early because nobody told me there would be a change of venue and my emotional GPS couldn't recalculate. The most spontaneous thing I've done this year is buy a different brand of oat milk. By accident. And I found it stressful. 🥛😰

My profile is not lying. My profile is time-travelling. It's showing people a version of me that existed at some point, maybe, approximately, if you squint — but is definitely not the version of me who is going to show up to a coffee date on Saturday. And THAT gap — between Profile Me and Actual Me — is today's entire Wednesday column. Because I don't think I'm the only one. 🕰️

🪞 Anonymous as always. No names, no identifying details. Just one columnist, one dusty guitar, and the unsettling discovery that her dating profile is basically a historical document. 📝