🔍 The Thursday Observation: You're Performing a One-Person Show for an Audience That Isn't There

Here's what I've noticed — on CompanioNation, on every dating platform, and in my own message drafts that I should probably delete before someone writes a column about THEM.

There are two types of messages people send on dating apps.

Type One: The Audition Tape. This is the message that has been carefully written, carefully edited, and carefully designed to project a specific image. It's witty but not TOO witty. It's casual but not TOO casual. It references the other person's profile but not so specifically that it seems stalkerish. It asks a question but not one that's too personal. It's warm but maintains distance. It's interested but not eager. It's basically a tightrope walk across a canyon of imagined social judgement, and by the time you've finished composing it, you're emotionally exhausted and the message reads like a robot trying to pass a Turing test administered by someone's very critical mother. 🤖👩‍⚖️

Type Two: The Actual Thing You Were Thinking. This is the message that falls out of your brain before your inner editor can catch it. "Wait, is that a photo of you skydiving or are you just really bad at selfies?" "Your profile says you like horror movies — are we talking fun-scary or I-need-therapy-now scary?" "Okay genuine question: pineapple on pizza, and before you answer, know that this WILL determine whether I take you seriously as a human being." These messages are imperfect. They're sometimes grammatically adventurous. They occasionally lack context.